An Old Couple Is Having Trouble Remembering Things

old coupleA couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks.

“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

“Sure..”

“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks.

“No, I can remember it.”

“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?”

He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”

“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?” she asks.

Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!”

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

“Where’s my toast?”

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bob ellis gorilla

The Human-like Gorilla

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.

Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den.

The man starts screaming, “HELP!! HELP!!!”

Suddenly a lion pounces on him from behind and whispers in his ear, “If you don’t shut up you’re going to get us both fired.”

The Deaf Wife Problem

bob ellis stories

Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor. “Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Rhonda, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

Again there is no response..

So he walks right up behind her. “Rhonda, what’s for dinner?”

“For the FIFTH time Fred, CHICKEN!!”

Highest paid athlete in the NBA

bob ellis nba

Would you like to know how much your favorite NBA player earns? C’mon let’s take a peek at their 2014-2015 season salary.

Warning: some figures might shock you (for the reason that the one you consider a Superstar may have inferior salary than the average player).

 

BOSTON CELTICS             

Rajon Rondo                      $12,909,090

Gerald Wallace                  $10,105,855

Jeff Green                          $9,200,000

 

BROOKLYN NETS             

Joe Johnson                       $23,180,790

Deron Williams                  $19,754,465

Kevin Garnett                    $12,000,000

 

NEW YORK KNICKS        

Amar’e Stoudemire        $23,410,988

Carmelo Anthony            $22,458,401

Andrea Bargnani              $11,500,000

 

PHILAPELPHIA 76ERS    

Jason Richardson                       $6,601,125

Luc Richard Mbah a Moute          $4,382,576

Joel Embiid                                $4,427,640

 

TORONTO RAPTORS      

Kyle Lowry                       $12,000,000

DeMar DeRozan               $10,100,000

Amir Johnson                  $7,000,000

 

GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS         

David Lee                         $15,012,000

Andrew Bogut                   $12,972,970

Andre Iguodala                 $12,289,544

Stephen Curry                   $10,629,213

 

LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS

Chris Paul                            $20,068,563

Blake Griffin                       $17,674,613

DeAndre Jordan                 $11,440,123

 

LOS ANGELES LAKERS    

Kobe Bryant                       $23,500,000

Steve Nash                         $9,701,000

Jordan Hill                           $9,000,000

Jeremy Lin                          $8,374,646

 

PHOENIX SUNS

Eric Bledsoe                      $13,000,000

Goran Dragic                      $7,500,000

Isaiah Thomas                   $7,238,606

 

SACRAMENTO KINGS    

Rudy Gay                        $19,317,326

DeMarcus Cousins           $14,746,000

Carl Landry                     $6,500,000

 

CHICAGO BULLS              

Derrick Rose                       $18,862,876

Joakim Noah                      $12,700,000

Taj Gibson                           $8,000,000

Pau Gasol                            $7,128,000

 

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS

LeBron James                $20,644,400

Kevin Love                      $15,719,063

Anderson Varejao           $9,704,545

Kyrie Irving                     $7,070,730

 

DETROIT PISTONS           

Josh Smith                      $13,500,000

Brandon Jennings            $8,000,000

Jodie Meeks                    $6,000,000

 

INDIANA PACERS            

Paul George                       $15,937,290

Roy Hibbert                        $14,898,938

David West                         $12,000,000

 

MILWAUKEE BUCKS      

Larry Sanders                     $11,000,000

O.J. Mayo                          $8,000,000

Ersan Ilyasova                    $7,900,000

 

DALLAS MAVERICKS      

Tyson Chandler                 $14,846,888

Chandler Parsons             $14,700,00

Monta Ellis                      $8,360,000

Dirk Nowitzki                  $7,974,482

 

HOUSTON ROCKETS      

Dwight Howard                 $21,436,27

James Harden                   $14,728,844

Trevor Ariza                      $8,579,089

 

MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES     

Zach Randolph                  $16,500,000

Marc Gasol                       $15,829,688

Mike Conley                     $8,694,216

Tayshaun Prince               $7,707,865

 

NEW ORLEANS PELICANS            

Eric Gordon                        $14,898,938

Tyreke Evans                     $11,265,416

Jrue Holiday                       $10,404,495

Anthony Davis                   $5,607,240

 

SAN ANTONIO SPURS   

Tony Parker                       $12,500,000

Tim Duncan                       $10,361,446

Tiago Splitter                     $9,250,000

Boris Diaw                         $7,500,000

Manu Ginobili                    $7,000,000

Kawhi Leonard                  $2,894,059

 

ATLANTA HAWKS           

Al Horford                           $12,000,00

Paul Millsap                        $9,500,000

Jeff Teague                        $8,000,000

 

CHARLOTTE HORNETS  

Al Jefferson                     $13,500,000

Lance Stephenson           $9,000,000

Marvin Williams               $7,000,000

 

MIAMI HEAT     

Chris Bosh                       $20,644,400

Dwyane Wade                  $15,000,000

Luol Deng                        $9,714,461

 

ORLANDO MAGIC           

Channing Frye                   $8,579,088

Victor Oladipo                   $4,978,200

Ben Gordon                       $4,500,000

 

WASHINGTON WIZARDS            

John Wall                          $14,746,000

Marcin Gortat                    $10,434,782

Nene Hilario                       $13,000,000

Paul Pierce                          $5,305,000

 

DENVER NUGGETS         

Ty Lawson                         $11,595,506

JaVale McGee                   $11,250,000

Danilo Gallinari                 $10,854,850

Arron Afflalo                      $7,500,000

Kenneth Faried                 $2,249,768

Nate Robinson                  $2,106,720

 

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES   

Nikola Pekovic                  $12,100,000

Kevin Martin                     $6,792,500

Anthony Bennett             $5,563,920

Andrew Wiggins              $5,510,640

Thaddeus Young             $9,410,869

 

OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER       

Kevin Durant                  $18,995,624

Russell Westbrook          $15,719,062

Serge Ibaka                    $12,350,000

Kendrick Perkins              $9,654,342

 

PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS           

LaMarcus Aldridge           $16,006,000

Nicolas Batum                $11,765,500

Wesley Matthews           $7,245,640

Robin Lopez                    $6,124,729

Damian Lillard                 $3,340,920

 

UTAH JAZZ         

Gordon Hayward             $14,746,000

Derrick Favors                   $12,950,00

Trevor Booker                   $5,000,000

 

 

source: http://espn.go.com/nba/teams

My Version of FREE Practical Life Tips

 patrick tips

  1. You can “rewire” your brain to be happy by simply recalling 3 things you’re grateful for every day for 21 days.
  2. When an elderly person can’t hear you, speak deeper, not louder. This will make it much easier for them to hear.
  3. When a bag of chips is stuck in a vending machine, don’t buy the same bag again to unjam it, buy something above it.
  4. Hate how videos automatically play on Facebook? Turn them off by going to Facebook.com/settings and then go to “videos” and switch the tab “off”
  5. Do this for 21 days, you’ll be surprised how good you feel. No candies, no cakes, No chips, no white breads, No fast foods, No chocolates, No ice cream.
  6. As much as you hate them, cold showers are much better for your hair and skin.
  7. Forgiveness can actually has health benefits. It can reduce the risk of heart attacks and slow the spread of cancer.
  8. Tilting your head to the right and slightly up makes you look more attractive. Tilting it to the right makes you more intelligent.
  9. If you’re feeling nervous, start chewing gum, your brain will reason that you’re not in danger because you would not be eating if you were.
  10. Physical touch makes you healthier. Studies show that massages, hugs, and hand holding reduce stress and boost the immune system.
  11. If you toss onions in the freezer, 15 minutes before you cut them you won’t tear up.
  12. If you don’t ask, the answer is already “no”. If you ask, there’s a chance you’ll get a “yes”. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
  13. Sometimes, it’s best to keep quiet. Silence can say so much without you ever having to say a single word.
  14. Life tip: If someone’s giving you a ride, don’t insult the car.
  15. Learning from your mistakes is wise. Learning from the mistakes of others is quicker and easier.
  16. If you want to get rid of bad breath, brushing your teeth is important but what’s more important is brushing your tongue.
  17. Giving a presentation? Always bring a bottle of water to the stage. When you can’t remember what to say, take a drink. Nobody will know the difference.
  18. Starting your day with 30 minutes of exercise will make you 10% smarter for the rest of the day.
  19. To skip a YouTube ad, just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the URL of any video.
  20. Put a red cap on your blue pen to prevent people from stealing it. Nobody steals red pens.
  21. In a public bathroom, the stall which is the closest to the door is usually the cleanest because it’s the least used.
  22. Clogged drain? 1 cup of baking soda + 1 cup of white vinegar = unclogged drain.
  23. If you laugh together at least 10 minutes a day, your relationship has a 75% higher chance of lasting.
  24. Having trouble sleeping? Blink fast for a minute. Tired eyes help you fall asleep.
  25. Studies shows that having plants in your office can help you think more clearly and recall more information. This is due to the fact that our brains benefit from the exposure to nature.
  26. When studying something new, teach a friend about it. Let them ask questions. If you can teach something well, then you understand it well.